


All Of Me

by nolifeisenough



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Dissociation, Fluff, M/M, Percico - Freeform, it's still more slice of life than anything though, non demigod au, this used to be self indulgent vent but there's actual plot now whoops
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-17
Updated: 2017-10-16
Packaged: 2018-09-18 03:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 13,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9366437
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nolifeisenough/pseuds/nolifeisenough
Summary: Nico doesn't know how to ask for help.(Fic playlist: https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLLUWUg0ByJ9jdX0TZtHludNqClRjZOzMi)





	1. Simple in the Moonlight

_“…In this light you look like Poseidon._

_I’m just a ghost you walk right through…”_

_-Sufjan Stevens, “All Of Me Wants All Of You”_

 

 

_…_

 

The sound of his own heartbeat keeps him awake. At least, that's what he blames it on. He's gotten so used to lying now that he's forgotten what's real. He's trained himself so well that he genuinely _believes_ he's okay. He's miserable and tired, but he's okay. On nights like tonight, he's especially ignorant to his own sorrow. The pulsing in his ears is just that. No explanation. No questions. No solution. His anxiety isn't to blame, of course not. His throbbing headache is just the same. No explanation. No questions. No solution.

 

Nico opens his eyes and squints at his alarm clock. The flashing green numbers on the display burn his dry eyes, but they adjust within a few seconds well enough for him to read the blurry text. Two in the morning. The sound of his sheets rustling and an exaggerated sigh temporarily replace his heartbeat as he feels around for his phone. After a few moments of blindly groping at his sheets (and knocking a pile of books and ukulele off of his bed- when was the last time he'd touched that thing?) he felt the matte plastic of his phone case beneath his fingers and pulled it from the charger.

 

This is a fairly common occurrence for him. Late at night when he can't sleep, he'll reread a particular conversation he'd had over a year ago and sometimes, only sometimes, it'll make the numbness disappear temporarily. He's gone through these motions hundreds of times, he doesn't think about it anymore. He doesn't think about anything anymore, really. He just _does_ without thinking. That, or he overthinks everything until he's convinced himself _not_ to do it.

 

His phone screen casts a blue light on his face as he swipes away dozens of notifications. Mostly made up of emails from Twitter or verification texts he hasn't bothered to get rid of. He sees an email from school, regarding his grades, and pauses. His heart beats harder in his ears before swiping that away too, the last of his notifications. He breathes out gentler this time, tapping the “Message” icon on his home screen. Nico scrolls down to the near bottom of the page and stops when he sees Percy's name.

 

Beside it is grey text which reads “Thanks bud!” followed by five square boxes, presumably emojis that his own phone is too outdated for them to be viewable.

 

Nico means to open the conversation, but his thumb slips and he taps Percy’s icon instead. It enlarges with the options to edit, text, send email and… call.  He shouldn't. He really shouldn't. It's two in the morning on a school night, he's a complete mess right now, he could break down crying any second and-

 

_“Hello?”_

 

Jesus, his voice is so warm when it’s groggy. Nico rests his head on the pillow and tears his eyes away from the image on the screen and presses the phone to his ear. Why can't he make himself hang up?

 

“...hey,” he hates how weak his voice sounds. He's not a weak person, he knows that, everyone knows that. If anything, people are intimidated by him. He clears his throat. There's a long silence.

 

_“Listen man, if you're calling for chem homework, I didn't do it either.”_

 

Maybe Nico should be offended at the implications, and he normally would be, but he isn't. He's not had a conversation with Percy outside of school in months, “I'm not.”

 

He hears a tired laugh on the other side of the call, _“Did you call specifically to wake me up? Because I hate to break it to you, but I was playing Skyrim and have no intention of sleeping until homeroom.”_

 

The regret has settled in, he really shouldn't be doing this. They're barely even friends. And yet, the butterflies in his stomach are enough to keep him on the line, “Oh.”

 

There's another long pause and Nico can hear the game, which he wasn't even aware of until now, being paused, _“Hey. Are you okay? Do you need me to call somebody?”_

 

Nico feels himself tense up as he remembers his place. Suddenly his surroundings feel less solid, as if any moment now he’ll phase through the mattress or his phone will be ripped from his hand by the wind outside. He swallows and shuts his eyes, the flashing numbers on his clock disappearing, “No. If I needed someone that wasn't you, I'd have called someone else. I called you. I'm- I'm fine,” goddamn, he was stuttering now?

 

_“... Alright. Hey, do you want me to drive over there? I could bring my Xbox if you have a TV and we could-”_

 

Nico hung up the phone, breathing hard and heavy. He stares at Percy's icon as his phone shakes in his trembling hands. He’d taken the photo of him three years ago. Nico must have been eleven, maybe twelve. Percy still had a little baby fat in his cheeks then. He was winking at the camera, an out of focus arm reaching past it. He'd been trying to grab Nico's milkshake. Asking him to take his photo was just part of the scheme, but Nico kept the photo anyway. The red in Percy's cheeks and reflection of the streetlight in his eyes, a perfect contrast of sea green and red, made for a nice photo on a day Nico looked back on fondly. Not that he'd admit it, of course.

 

He sets his phone aside, only for it to start vibrating seconds later. He doesn't pick up, just lays on his back and shuts his eyes. It takes until two thirty for the calls and texts to stop and until three for him to finally drift off to sleep.

 

…

 

Nico rests his head against the schoolbus window and focuses his eyes on the seat in front of him. Six months ago, he'd stuck a small strip of duct tape to the back of the seat out of curiosity how long it'd last. The edges are slightly more curled up than last week, but it isn't close to falling off yet. He stiffens as the bus comes to a stop, holding on tightly to his backpack to keep it from falling. He knows without looking out the window that this is Percy's stop.

 

His eyes are glued to the tape as the seat beside him is filled and he feels Percy's eyes on him. Percy's a nice guy, this doesn't mean he cares about him. It means he cares about _everyone_. Nico's known this for years and stopped mistaking his concern for affection a long while back.

 

“You know, if you don't like video games, you could have just said so,” Percy laughs, the awkward kind of laugh that makes Nico think he doesn't _really_ want to be talking to him.

 

“I'm more of a card game guy.”

 

“Yeah, you're pretty good at playing solitaire,” Percy pauses, expecting a laugh, grinning. Normally he'd nudge Nico, but he knows well enough that the boy doesn't like physical contact.

 

“I was thinking more along the lines of yugioh, but sure.”

 

Percy, bless his heart, has no clue what to say. It’s always been that way with Nico. Little does he know, Nico constructs these conversations intentionally to last the least amount of time as possible. He knows he's difficult to respond to, he tries his damn hardest to keep it that way.

 

Nico's resting his head back on the bus window again and the vibrations from the road ease his headache. The butterflies in his stomach are another story. With Percy's arm draped over the seat in his own oblivious way, Nico can feel the butterflies multiply and he _hates_ it. Even if Percy were interested,and that's a big “if,” he wouldn't want his affection. Nico doesn't really want any affection at all. Especially not from Percy.

 

He beats his fingertips against his knee and attempts to distract himself from his guilt. He knows Percy's a good guy and doesn't deserve to be ignored like this. Yet, the alternative isn't any better, so he says nothing but the occasional “yeah” or “sure” when Percy tries to strike up conversation again. That is, until Nico starts getting agitated.

 

Percy's been talking nonstop for fifteen minutes, his monologue mostly made up of idiotic puns and rude jokes about their teachers. Nico knows he's just trying to cheer him up, but that's _what's_ pissing him off.

 

“You don't have to be a goddamn hero all the time, alright? Go sit with someone else. I want to listen to music.”

Percy pauses, his grin fading, “Oh. Yeah. Uh, okay,” he blinks, startled more than surprised. This is normal behavior for Nico, after all. Percy’s not a complete idiot, he knows what Nico’s doing. Sometimes it’s easier to isolate yourself than it is to confront your own issues, even he understands that, “Let me know if you need anything.”

 

“I don’t.”

 

Nico feels Percy’s arm slip off of the seat, brushing against his shoulder for a moment. He tenses up. Percy likely perceives it as irritation, but Nico almost wants to cry. He feels like he’s being taunted. He’s never felt as cheated out of life as he does at this moment. He’s had trauma after trauma, and _this_ is the thing that breaks him.

 

He kicks the back of the seat in front of him once Percy’s moved to the back of the bus. His fingernails dig into his forearm. He’s not doing this today. He’s flunking anyways, there’s no point in attending. He stands up the second the bus stops, ignoring how his vision blurs and a wave of nausea passes over him. He’ll deal with that later. He grips the sides of the seats as he walks down the aisle and out of the bus, ignoring the driver’s protests. He manages to get a few feet down the sidewalk before hunching over and panting. He knows better than to stand up so quickly, but Nico’s nothing if not self destructive. He feels a hand on his back. His vision clears and he recognizes Percy’s blue Converse.

 

“Really?” his voice is strained. It’s moments like these that he remembers how incapable he is of being independent. He feels vulnerable. It’s strange how much he can love Percy and still not trust him. He doesn’t have reason to. They barely interact. The two of them had probably spoken more in the past twelve hours than the past month.

 

Percy crouches down beside him. His curious gaze makes Nico nauseous for a whole other reason, “Really. I only had one class today anyway. I think I’m needed here more than I am at school.”

 

Nico really wishes he could argue. He’d not realized how bad he was today, but he doesn’t know if he can stand back up, even. No doubt the fault of his insomnia. His head throbs, “Could you get my water out of my backpack?” he mumbles. Jesus, he hates this. He rests on his knees as the bus speeds away. Percy nods his head and seconds later he feels a cool metal thermos pressed into his hand. He knows it probably won’t help, but it’s difficult sometimes to tell the difference between symptoms and a functional body’s needs.

 

“It’s easy to forget how sick you are,” Percy laughs softly, placing the thermos back in the bag once Nico was finished, “Your hot headed personality sort of makes up for it, I think.”

 

“Funny. I'm never able to forget about how sick I am,” Nico grabs his backpack, sliding it onto one of his shoulders, “If you insist on being here, could I get some help up, maybe?”

 

“You sure you don’t need to be carried or something? I-”

 

“No! No. No,” Nico makes a face.

 

Percy laughs again, “Alright, I just thought I should offer.”

 

After a few moments of fumbling and struggling, Nico is on his feet again. His legs are shaking beneath him. Percy insists that in the very least, Nico allows him to be a crutch. The two of them begin to walk in the direction of Nico’s house, albeit slowly. Nico tries his hardest not to get distracted with the way Percy’s hand is resting on his ribcage.

 

It takes them a long while, but they make it to Nico’s house. It occurs to him as he unlocks the door that Percy’s not been in this building since the night of Bianca’s funeral. Judging by the sullen look on his face, he’s realizing the same thing. It’s easy for Nico to forget that Bianca and Percy had been close too. There was a time that Percy and his friends would come over every Saturday night for dinner and Just Dance. Despite being the youngest, Nico was always included. Those were some of his happiest memories. But with just the two of them in the cold living room, the TV and Wii coated in dust, the feeling of nostalgia quickly turns to a dull ache for the both of them.

 

“Help yourself to anything in the fridge. There’s some day old pizza, I think,” Nico lets go of Percy reluctantly, feeling hollow. He unscrews the cap of a pill bottle, dry swallowing three of them.

 

“You got diagnosed?” Percy inquires, opening the fridge.

 

“Nah,” Nico sits on the counter, though it takes a couple of tries to hoist himself up, “We’re just trying these out. It’d narrow down the options and shit.”

 

“Oh,” Percy says through a mouthful of pizza. He swallows before speaking again, “And this is doctor number…?”

 

“Nine, I think,” he kicks off his boots onto the kitchen tiles, “Hey, can we maybe not talk about that? I’m sort of sick of medical talk.”

 

Percy laughs, “Pun intended?”

 

“No,” Nico deadpans.

 

Percy continues on smiling like an idiot, even as he takes another bite of pizza, “Hey, you mind if I hang around for awhile? Mom will kill me if she finds out I skipped school again.”

 

“Knock yourself out. I’m gonna hang out in my room.”

“Cool!” Percy grabs a second slice and follows him into his room.

 

Nico gives him a look, which he’s completely oblivious to, but says nothing else. He opens his Kindle case after reclining in bed, music playing seconds later. He switches to Candy Crush immediately, anything to keep his eyes off of Percy, who’s sitting on the bed beside Nico’s knees.

 

“I’d make fun of you for your messy room, but mine isn’t much better.”

 

“Hey, it’s _clean_ , just… cluttered. You make it sound like there’s mold everywhere,” Nico glances up and immediately regrets it. He wants so badly to lean forward and steal a kiss. They’re barely a foot away from one another.

 

“As far as you know,” Percy grins.

 

“Well now I’m going to be paranoid about mold for the next few years of my life. Thanks for that, Percy,” hearing the sound of his own voice, accent thick, causes him to shrink into himself. He feels a frustrated anger building up in his chest. He’s so defensive at this point that no one has to say a word for him to get upset.

 

Percy, unobservant as ever, laughs, “Sorry buddy.”

 

He feels his cheeks burning uncomfortably. His heart is pounding in his chest and he wants to disappear. He laughs weakly, which turns into a small coughing fit, “...buddy. Been awhile since I could even call you a friend.”

 

Percy frowns, “...I know. I’m sorry. You have every right to still be angry at me. Hell, I’m still angry at myself.”

 

Nico shakes his head quickly, “No. I’m not… I’m not angry at you anymore. That was immature. It wasn’t your fault. I just mean- It’s been years since I’ve considered _anyone_ a friend. I have my grandma, I have doctors, I have teachers. I don’t have friends.”

 

“Is that… I don’t know. Intentional?”

 

“I guess so,” Nico shrugs, “It’s like, isolation is some sort of safety blanket for me. It sucks, but it’s easy,” his hair falls in his face and he brushes it back with his fingers. He puts the tablet aside as he loses the level of Candy Crush, “I don’t know why I’m talking to you about this, of all people,” Nico laughs bitterly.

 

Percy leans forward to rest a hand on his shoulder, “Hey-”

 

“Don’t touch me,” he tenses up, squeezing his eyes shut, “Sorry. Just. Okay?”

 

He pulls his hand back, nodding slowly, “Yeah. No problem. Sorry.”

 

Nico leans back against his headboard, shutting his eyes, trying to recollect himself. He’s near the point of panicking, he hears his heartbeat in his ears and- was that the door closing? Fuck, Percy left. Of course he would, why wouldn’t he? He feels a tear trickle down his neck. He didn’t realize he was crying until now. He almost lets out a sob, but then- he hears a D chord.

 

He opens his eyes, wiping his cheek to see Percy playing his ukulele. He is pretty obviously a novice. Regardless, he feels himself relax. He smiles a just a little bit, “Is that Bright Eyes?”

 

Percy returns his smile with a toothy grin, “Lua, yeah.”

 

“I’d ask you to sing it, but I know from experience you’re a shitty singer,” Nico settles himself under the blankets, laying on his side to face Percy.

 

“No need to be rude,” Percy feigns hurt.

 

“Agree to disagree,” he shuts his eyes again, yawning, “You mind if I sleep?”

 

“I don’t mind. Gives me the opportunity to steal more pizza.”

  
“Hog,” Nico mutters. Surely Percy replies, but Nico tunes into the music and eventually tunes out completely. Percy hears his quiet snores no less than two minutes later. With a small smile, he sets down the ukulele on the bed. Yes, Percy might just have a bit of a hero complex, but it allows for moments like these.


	2. The Run and Go

_ “You'll have to watch me struggle _

_ From several rooms away _

_ But tonight, I need you to stay.” _

\- Twenty One Pilots,  _ “The Run and Go” _

 

_ … _

 

A week passes before Nico hears from Percy again. Of course, he’ll wave in the hallway or greet him on the bus, he’s not actively avoiding him. Regardless, the spark of false hope in Nico’s chest is beginning to dwindle away. That is, until lunch hour comes around on Friday.

 

He’s seated at the base of a tree trunk, an apple in one hand and his cell phone in the other. The overgrown grass makes his skin itch, but he’s otherwise comfortable. Faint voices from other students’ lunchtime conversations fuse with the breeze to create a nice sort of static. The weather is pleasant and hell, he doesn’t even have homework yet today. Sure, the dull aches, both emotional and physical, are still present, but he’s  _ alright. _

 

Nico feels a thump on the ground beside him and hears a sigh. He raises his eyes from his phone, turning off the screen. He blinks a few times, stunned to have his solitude intruded on. His state of tranquility suddenly absent, it’s replaced with insecurity. Did he even remember to shower today? 

 

“Uh… Percy. Hey,” his voice displays how frazzled he is. 

 

Percy looks amused, “Hey, sorry to startle you. Just wanted to let you know that mom’s having a barbeque thing tonight. She’s having coworkers over, I’m having friends over, that kind of thing. I was hoping I could convince you to come.”

 

He continues to stare at Percy, bewildered, unaware of how intense his own gaze is, “Why?” 

 

Percy pauses, pulling up a blade of grass and ripping it in two, “I dunno. Thought maybe you could use the company? Plus, you live so close that if you get sick, you can get home pretty easily.”

 

Nico frowns down at his lap, eyes focusing on the smudged black glass of his phone screen. His thumb runs over the crack in the top right corner, “I’ll think about it. I can’t stick around too late, though. I have a doctor’s appointment early tomorrow morning.”

 

He beams, “I’m taking that as a yes.”

 

“Percy…” he warns.

 

“See you at my place! The door will be unlocked, let yourself into the backyard. We’ll be ready around six.”

 

Despite himself, Nico can’t help but smile, “Yeah, whatever. I probably won’t stay long.”

 

“You say that now, but wait until you’ve had my mom’s salsa. If you don’t stay for the people, you’ll definitely stick around for the food.”

 

“You’ve already won, you don’t have to keep trying to convince me,” Nico rolls his eyes, a smile still tugging at his lips. Screw Percy and his contagious optimism.

 

“Alright, alright, I’m leaving. See you then,” Percy nudges Nico’s shoulder and stands, “Bring your smile! Most people would kill for teeth that white, you should show them off more!”

 

“Bite me.”

 

…

 

Nico arrives an hour and a half late for no other reason than nerves. The sun has set and it’s brisker than it had been earlier in the day. It’s still warm, though. His aviator jacket hangs off of his small frame loosely, but he contemplates taking it off. 

 

Percy, true to his word, has left the front door unlocked. Nico steps inside the house, floorboards creaking beneath his boots. He’s hit with the scent of freshly baked sugar cookies and his stomach growls in response. He walks further into the familiar home, nostalgia settling in. It’s cluttered and cramped, but it feels like home. He peeks down the hallway and, sure enough, spots a collage of Percy’s finger paintings from preschool. According to Sally, she’d only hung them up after Percy had finished seventh grade and Gabe had moved out. Making up for lost time, she’d always said. Nico often finds himself wondering if he’ll have a chance to do the same.  

 

Someone opens the door he recognizes as being the bathroom. He tears his eyes away and continues walking, afraid to be caught snooping. He opens the back door, stepping out onto the porch. The first thing his eyes latch onto is the inground pool. Nico recalls how long it had taken for Sally to save up for it. They’d thrown a pool party for the neighborhood kids. He smiles at the memory of Bianca showing off her handstands in the pool. He still remembers her laugh…

 

His thoughts are interrupted by someone else’s laughter. Nico tears his eyes from the pool and to the two dozen people in the yard. Most are huddled around a campfire, but some are standing to get food. A group of seven are sat on the ground in a circle, who Nico recognizes as being from school, Percy among them. As the reality of the situation sets in, he takes a deep breath and approaches them. 

 

“Hey!” Percy calls before Nico makes it halfway across the yard, “I was beginning to think you’d bailed!”

 

Nico smiles tightly, kneading the end of his jacket with his fingers nervously, “Sorry about that. I’ll be over after I get some food.”

 

He feels himself being stared at by the others, but pretends not to notice as he turns towards the food tables. He’s never understood why people are so intimidated by him. At worst, he’s standoffish. At best, he's an introvert. He dejectedly wonders if Percy’s intimidated by him too.

 

Once he’s collected an acceptable amount of pasta salads and cookies on his plate, he reluctantly drags himself back to the group. He sits between Leo, who’s in his bio class, and Hazel, who’s an old family friend (does it count as “family friend” if she was only friends with his dead sister?) They greet one another and Nico even chats with Hazel on and off throughout the night. Besides that, Nico keeps to himself. He’d really only come for Percy’s sake, who is too preoccupied with friends and helping his mother host for Nico to bother him. He’d not planned on talking to him much anyhow. Still, he can’t keep the jealousy from accumulating in his chest. It’s strange to think that the only thing keeping him from being friends with Percy is a longing to be more. The thought comes to him and refuses to detach itself from his mind. He feels numb. After that, he’s quiet.

 

People begin to leave around nine. Normally, he’d take that as an opportunity to leave, but he’s so lost in thought, he doesn’t notice until Hazel says his name.

 

“Nico, I’m going to head home, okay? Can you get back to your house by yourself?”

 

“Huh?” he lifts his eyes to meet hers, “Oh, yeah. I’ll be fine. See you Monday,” he nods and she smiles in response.

 

“See you Monday!”

 

Nico stands, surprised to find few people left in the yard. A couple of Sally’s coworkers and Sally herself, who are heading inside, and Percy. He’s packing up the leftovers, earbuds in his ears. He locks eyes with Nico and laughs, taking one out, “Look who’s back in the land of the living. You okay, man? I was beginning to think you’d fallen asleep with your eyes open.”

 

“Sorry about that. I completely zoned out there. Do you need help packing up?” Nico picks up his jacket from the ground and drapes it over his arm.

 

“If you don’t mind,” Percy shoots him a smile, which Nico recognizes as one he uses to charm his way out of homework with female teachers. 

 

Nico rolls his eyes and grabs the seran wrap, beginning to wrap up the cookies, “I already offered, you don’t have to seduce me into helping.”

 

Percy scoffs in response, acting hurt, “How  _ dare _ you accuse me of such a thing. Don’t you trust me?” he grins wide. Nico wonders how the kid’s cheeks don’t hurt with how much he smiles.

 

“Not one bit,” Nico refuses to smile back, stubborn as a mule. As he finishes packing up the cookies, he takes one last one. With a mouthful of cookie, he speaks again, “You have trouble written all over you.”

 

“And you don’t?”

 

Nico can’t resist a laugh, “Oh, I definitely do. I’ve just got more than enough trouble of my own, I don’t need to invite anymore into my life. Especially not in the form of Percy Jackson,” though presented as a joke, there’s truth to his statement. He’s got his own shit to deal with and so does Percy. They’re both intense people in their own ways. Logically, even if Percy were interested, it’s a bad idea. A very tempting idea, but a bad idea all the same.

 

“Awe, but Nico…” Percy, the overgrown five year old he is, reaches across the table for a bowl of fruit salad. He plucks a cubed fruit out of the container, holding it up proudly, “-we make such a great  _ pear _ ! Wait, shit, is this an apple?” he pops it in his mouth and makes a face, “Yep, nope, definitely a pear.”

 

“I hate you.”

 

Percy laughs and Nico rolls his eyes again. He knows that Percy’s been through his fair share of trauma as well, but he can’t understand his persistent optimism. Maybe it’s because of his mother. After all, Nico had made it through a lot of misfortune early in his life and come out alright because of Bianca. Losing her had been the final blow to his happiness and overall well-being. He can’t imagine Percy without Sally.

 

He frowns, closing the lid on the last of the food, “Hey, I’m going to head home, alright? Sorry for sticking around so late- shit,” his eyes widen, digging around in his pockets, “Shitshitshit. I think I left the house keys on my bed.”

 

Sally approaches from behind, startling the two of them. She smiles kindly and picks up a few containers of food, “Can’t your grandmother let you inside?” 

 

Uncomfortable, and maybe a little guilty for cursing in front of her, he shakes his head, “No ma’am. Um- see- she’s out of town this week and we don’t really have a spare key and we have a really good security system so I can’t really pick the lock- not that I know how to pick locks, obviously, I have no reason to but uh, you know, in theory I couldn’t do that anyways-” 

 

She cuts off the teen’s nervous rambling, heading back up the porch steps and inside the house, “Well, you’re always welcome here. Percy, did you wash the spare blankets after Grover stayed over last weekend?”

 

“Yep.”

 

Nico wants to decline the offer, but does he really have a choice? It’s this or sleep on a park bench. Besides, the not-so-logical side of him wants to do this. Even if he regrets it later, it’s rare for him to not enjoy time with Percy. He smiles apprehensively and nods, “Thank you, Ms. Jackson.”

 

“Not a problem!” she calls from over her shoulder and shuts the back door behind herself. 

 

Nico turns back to the table, seeing Percy on the side of it grinning. He gives him an exasperated expression, “What?”

 

“You like horror movies?” 

 

“I guess?”

 

Percy laughs, “No way are we sleeping tonight.”

 

“You’re a literal twelve year old,” Nico cackles. 

 

“Bite me,” he smirks. If only.

 

Before Nico can respond with something he’ll inevitably regret, Percy downs the last of his styrofoam cup of lemonade and leaves the table, “Up for a swim?”

 

“I’m good,” Nico’s sure his cheeks are visibly red, his lips slightly upturned. It feels surreal, being out of his house, with Percy Jackson, having  _ fun. _ It doesn’t feel bad, though. Not that he’d admit it, the pessimist he is.

 

Percy strolls towards the pool, squatting down and running his hand through the water, “You sure? It’s still warm from earlier today.”

 

“What happened to the movies? Already bored with the idea? I know you’re ADHD, I am too, but that’s a little extreme,” if Nico didn’t know better, he’d think that they’re flirting. 

 

Percy grins, “Like I said, we’re not sleeping tonight. Come on, we’ve got time,” without warning, he strips his shirt and Nico immediately averts his eyes. That’s trouble he  _ doesn’t _ need right now. Nico just shakes his head bashfully, red down to his neck, “Suit yourself,” moments later he hears a splash.

 

He lifts his eyes, aware just how much he shouldn’t be here. Watching Percy’s head emerge from the water, he feels like he’s intruding. As if he’s in someone else’s place. He’s barely an acquaintance, yet he’s talking to Percy like they’re best friends. He recalls when Annabeth and Percy had been dating, realizing with a tenseness in his shoulders that their interactions were near identical. Annabeth should be here, not him. The only thing keeping him from turning tail and running is a selfish desire to be that for him. Well, that and a missing key. 

 

Nico steps towards the pool, his head spinning. Not in the routine sickly way, but almost… pleasantly? A mix of euphoria and stomach-churning anxiety. He’s still smiling, though. He begins to untie his shoes, intending to dip his feet in the water.

 

Percy swims near, water droplets clinging to his eyelashes and lip noticeably flushed from the water. He laughs, “Change your mind?” 

 

“No, just taking lifeguard duty. I don’t trust you not to accidentally drown yourself,” Nico replies sarcastically. 

 

“So what you’re saying is, if I forget how to swim, you’ll get in to save me?” 

 

Nico hums in thought, “Scratch that, I’m just here for first row seats of your idiocy.”

 

He feels a hand on his arm, taking in a deep breath when Percy speaks, “Why not come on stage?” before he has the chance to take off his socks, he feels himself being tugged into the water. It engulfs him, he nearly breathes some of it in. When his head surfaces, he coughs up a bit of water, eyes stinging from the chlorine. 

 

“Asshole,” he coughs again, “The water’s freezing, liar,” his hacking turns to laughter and his stubbornness is long forgotten, pushing Percy back by his shoulders. 

 

Percy wades back in the water, pearly whites gleaming, “Man, do you ever quit complaining? Enjoy life a little, dude!”

 

“I’m perfectly content being unhappy, thank you. Not everyone can be Percy Jackson,” suddenly, Nico’s face pales and his smile falls.

 

Percy’s eyes widen, “You okay? Shoot- what’s happening?”

 

Nico’s bloodshot brown eyes rest on Percy’s, “I’m just imagining a world where everyone is Percy Jackson. Talk about a personal hell.”

 

There’s a moment of silence before Percy bursts out laughing. His firm shoulders shake and the water ripples as a result, “Jeez, you had me thinking I’d caused you to go into an absence seizure or something.”

 

“Not out of the question, really,” Nico conceals a chuckle, “I might feel guilty if you hadn’t just pulled me into a freezing cold chlorinated pool  _ with my clothes on _ , jackass,” Nico dunks his head under the water, only to keep his bangs from sticking to his forehead. Emerging again, he pulls them back.

 

Percy wades further back, “You know you love me.”

 

If he only knew. 

 

...

  
  


He shuts off the shower with a thud. Freshly washed hair drips onto the tile floor. The familiar fresh scent of  _ his _ coconut shampoo permeates the bathroom. As Nico reaches for a borrowed pair of Percy’s sweatpants, he once again feels as though he’s filling in for someone else. He shouldn’t be here, putting on Percy’s clothes, using Percy’s body wash, in Percy’s bathroom, about to go to sleep in Percy’s bedroom. If he didn’t have such strong feelings for him, this might feel normal. As things are, though, it feels intimate. Not uncomfortably so, Nico realizes, perturbed.

 

His footsteps are hushed as he crosses the hallway and steps into Percy’s bedroom, carpeting soft against his feet. Percy’s reclined on his bed, one leg hanging off the side and his phone in the other. He understands what a slippery slope this is when his first impulse is to climb in bed with him. 

 

Percy looks up from his phone screen, “Mom made popcorn for us,” he lifted a bowl to hand to Nico, “I’m thinking we watch Orphan?”

 

“Sure man, whatever. Do you have a sleeping bag I can borrow?

 

“Nah, my bed’s pretty big so-”

 

“Do you have a sleeping bag?” Nico repeats, his muscles stilled and voice firmer.

 

Percy gives him a look, but nods, “Uh, I’ll look around in my closet and see.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

Nico stands, anxiety building up in his chest like water in a dam. There’s a part of him, a terrifyingly large part of him, that’s banking on Percy not finding anything. 

 

“Sorry man, I really don’t think I have one.”

 

“It’s fine,” he mutters, eyes glued to the floor. 

 

He feels himself walking across the room and sitting on the bed, but he’s not completely there for it. He can tell he’s close to dissociating. The mattress dips as Percy sits beside him, too close. His heart beat slows and he lays back, feet dangling off of the bed. His skin feels dry from the chlorine, but his hair is still wet and likely dampening the bedspread. He hears Percy getting up and laying down again. He’s talking, but he can’t understand what he’s saying. It’s garbled and indistinguishable from gibberish. He hears the movie begin and Percy commentating.

 

His mouth tastes metallic and vaguely like Sally’s cookies. The scent of popcorn and Percy’s clean bedspread entangle in a comforting way. Time both speeds up and drags on. He realizes, suddenly, he’s been laying like this for at least twenty minutes. He feels himself sit up, pulling his legs up onto the bed and tucking them beneath himself. Nico’s eyes focus on his. Percy’s attention switches from the screen to him. He smiles, because of course he does, he’s Percy. His heart skips a beat. Nico feels nothing but affection.

 

“I thought maybe you’d fallen asleep with your eyes open, man. Didja zone out or-?”

 

He feels himself move forward and skin beneath his fingers, being tickled by hair. His eyes are closed and he tastes popcorn now. Percy’s lips are soft, if not a little chapped. A few moments pass before he’s aware of the hand on his arm. It’s gentle. It’s not pushing him away, but enticing him to move closer. 

 

He pulls back, reality smacking him in the face as his eyes open and finds himself inches from Percy, who looks more confused than ever. Intense shame and guilt add twenty pounds to his shoulders and his face feels uncomfortably hot. 

 

“I’m sorry- I’m-” he pauses for a moment to catch his breath, “I’ll be right back. I’m sorry,” he grabs his jacket from the end of the bed and rushes out of the room, up the staircase, and out the front door. He’s all too aware of his surroundings, now. He can’t comprehend what had just happened. How he’d gotten in this situation at all. He just can’t be around him. He needs to think. Go someplace else. 

 

As it turns out, “someplace else” is West.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been in the psychiatric hospital for the past week and a half & am going back tomorrow for partial hospitalization, sorry if this seems a little rushed but that'd be why. Hope you enjoyed regardless! Here's a fic playlist to keep you satisfied until the next update! https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLLUWUg0ByJ9jdX0TZtHludNqClRjZOzMi


	3. The Ocean

_ “So we are alone _

_ And we are together for just this once. _

_ I'll go on pretending I don't care, _

_ But I'm asking you nicely to stand here beside me.” _

The Ocean,  _ Tokyo Police Club _

…

 

Percy watches Nico rush out of the bedroom, forgetting to breathe until the door has slammed shut. Never one to process things quickly, he stands up, his head spinning. Did Nico just… wow, okay then. He replays the last sixty seconds in his head, realizing belatedly that a smarter person would have followed the kid. Nico's not exactly… predictable with his behavior. Unstable.

 

Just as Percy takes a step forward towards his bedroom door, he hears the front door slam. Sure, he'd not been planning to sleep tonight, but he'd also not been planning to chase a barefoot fifteen year old around town. A barefoot fifteen year old who, as of last week, Percy was convinced hated him. A barefoot fifteen year old who had just kissed him. Weird.

 

Though Nico's quick on his feet, he’s also sick. He's likely to run for a few minutes, then hide. This means that Percy has a chance to think ahead for what he needs to grab, such as Nico's shoes, a pair of his own socks, water, a blanket, etc. As he frantically shoves everything in a backpack, he begins to process what’s just happened. He's unsure how he feels about it, really. The fact that he doesn't feel  _ bad  _ about it freaks him out a little. 

 

He also wonders how long Nico's felt this way. Was this an impulsive act? If not, how did the kid transition from being bitter over Bianca's death to wanting to shove his tongue down Percy's throat? Not that it'd gotten that far, but still. He finds it hard to believe that the Nico he knows has any feelings for him whatsoever. 

 

In spite of all logic, Percy feels a heat in his cheeks. He's confused, yeah. He needs a few minutes to process before putting words to his feelings. Still, as he slings his backpack over his shoulder and heads out the door, he feels a perplexing excitement stirring up in his chest.

 

…

 

Nico skips the sidewalk entirely, opting to cut through the neighborhood lawns and climb over fences. His body aches, but he's able to ignore it for the moment being. He can deal with pain, just not Percy. He can't believe his own lack of self control. 

 

He finds his thoughts circling back to it, though. Before the dread and guilt settles in, he feels an excitement stirring up in his core. The idea of “what if.” Kissing Percy felt something like collapsing in bed after two days of not sleeping, but knowing he has to be awake for school exams in ten minutes. He's gotten a taste of what he wants (literally) and he so badly wants to say “fuck it” and dive in headfirst. The more logical side of him, though, tells him to run. 

 

He lasts a good five minutes before he's forced to stop. Resting his hands on his knees, he bends over and coughs. Nico's lightheaded. His vision is splotchy and he nearly topples over. His panic is only eased by the assumption that Percy isn't following him. He's nice guy, sure, but even that has its limits. He’ll consider himself lucky if Percy isn't livid. 

 

Nico sits on the curb, coughing into his sleeve. He's cold, but no way in hell is he going back. He pulls the sleeves of Percy's shirt down as far as they'll go and leans forward, shaking. More than anything, he wants to go home, blast his music, get in bed, and forget this ever happened. He sits like this, shivering, for a good two hours. It’s nearing midnight when he hears footsteps. Moments later, he feels a fleece blanket being wrapped around his shoulders.

 

“I get it if you need time to think before we talk, but could you at least do it someplace warm?”

 

No fucking way.

 

Nico lifts his head, staring in disbelief at Percy’s silhouette against the streetlight, “God. You're almost as stubborn as I am,” he hates how weak his voice sounds. He feels uncomfortably transparent.

 

“Is that a yes?”

 

He can tell by the way Percy stiffens that he’s preparing himself for one of Nico’s outbursts. Really, Nico’s bracing himself for anger to bubble up too. It doesn’t come, though. Years of extensive boundaries and defensiveness disintegrate. He’s not angry or embarrassed or scared for once. He’s just flat out sad. 

 

He stands up shakily and nods, “Get out of the street, Percy,” he pulls the blanket tightly around himself and starts to walk. Moments later, Percy follows.

 

“I hope that you didn't take that to mean that  _ I  _ don’t want to talk, man,” he laughs. Nervously, almost.

 

“I'm well aware that you like to talk, Jackson. But there's not much to say.”

 

Percy appears troubled. He doesn’t speak for a few moments, hesitant, “Is this why you avoid me?”

 

Nico shrugs and starts to walk, bare feet sore and scratched up. He’s not even noticed until now that he’d not put on his shoes, “I thought I didn’t have to talk about it.”

 

Percy follows him, slipping a thermos into Nico’s hand, “You don’t have to, but I’m curious what’s happening in your head. That's, uh, hot chocolate, by the way.”

 

“I… I don’t know,” an exasperated sigh, “I should feel anxious or… scared? I'm not, though. Just sort of numb. A little confused why you’re not pissed at me,” Nico unscrews the cap, steam emerging from the top, followed by the sweet scent of cocoa.

 

“I'm not pissed. I'm… confused and worried for you. Maybe a little stressed out, if I'm being honest, here. Definitely not pissed, though.”

 

It's silent again for a few moments. Their footsteps combine with crickets chirping. Nico's reminded with a dull ache in his chest of a night four years ago. All of Bianca's school friends had gone home but Percy, who'd always been an exception to the “no boys at sleepovers” rule his grandmother had put in place. After finding out about Gabe, the di Angelos had more or less taken him in. 

 

Nico recalls being woken up at one in the morning by the two, proposing a scheme to sneak out and get ice cream from the McDonald's down the street. Ten minutes later, the trio was strolling down the road, singing Disney songs at the top of their lungs and waking up the neighborhood. To this day, Nico blames his first gay thoughts on Percy's off key rendition of Under the Sea. He still has video on his phone from that night. Percy's singing, his sister's laughter, his  _ own _ laughter. 

 

“For a really long time, I blamed my crush on you on just missing Bianca. Like, it felt sometimes like you and I were the only ones who knew her, you know? So I thought once I was over grieving, I'd be over you. Over… all of this,” Nico sips the hot cocoa. He doesn't feel nervous, but his hands are shaking like he is, “I was just telling myself what I wanted to hear, though. I mean- Bianca knew I liked you. Obviously this was going on well before-” he sighs, “I shouldn't have kissed you. I'm sorry. If it helps at all, you don't have to stress about turning me down. I'm well aware of your preferences. It wasn't an invitation or anything, it was just a moment of weakness for me. I'm sorry.”

 

It's quiet for another few seconds, “That's… not why I was stressed, you know.”

 

Nico lifts his eyes to meet Percy's, but he finds them glued to the ground, “... why are you stressed, then?”

 

“It'd probably be easier for both of us if I told you I had my mind made up one way or another, but I don't, man. I'm confused too. With myself, I mean.”

 

Nico continues to stare at him, doing his damn hardest to not get his hopes up, “You…”

 

“I don't know,” Percy admits, “I've always been someone who, um, will try anything twice, you know? But if trying something means leading someone on-” he laughs, “I don’t know. It’s probably pretty shitty of me to even be telling you this.”

 

“No, I- Twice?”

 

“It's unfair to rule something out completely just because the first time wasn't so great. I mean- imagine if I'd sworn off kissing because my lips were chapped my first time,” he laughs again, but it seems forced. Nico's never once thought of Percy as a nervous guy, but he's starting to second guess that.

 

Nico grips the thermos tighter, “You don't have to-” he sighs and tears his gaze away from Percy, “You don't have to be a goddamn hero all the time, remember? I know you're a people pleaser and I know for some godforsaken reason you want to make me happy but it's  _ not your job _ ,” Nico halts his footsteps and Percy lifts his eyes to find Nico’s harsh gaze. 

 

“Maybe you’re right, but, I mean… Maybe you aren’t, you know?”

 

“Then don’t make a decision now. In the meantime, I’m not going to be counting on you wanting any part of this because  _ I  _ know I’m right.”

 

“I envy your confidence in me to know what I’m doing,” Percy remarks, glancing at Nico’s bare feet. He pauses, “How are you doing, uh, physically?”

 

He cackles, “Like shit. I was already feeling like passing out halfway down the staircase at your place,” Nico frowns as the realization comes to him, “Am I still, um, welcome in your home or-”

 

“Yes. Of course,” Percy frowns, “Dude, I wouldn’t kick you out on the street just because you…” he clears his throat, “I think we have some tylenol in the bathroom, if you want it. Or like, a heating pad?”

 

“Thank you,” Nico offers him a genuine smile, but somehow still manages to look like he’s about to cry.

 

…

 

In the end, the two were awake until four in the morning watching movies. Nico had insisted on sleeping on the floor, though Percy told him it wasn’t necessary and, at the very least, Nico should have the bed. Sally finds the boys still asleep at noon the next day, both asleep on the floor on opposite ends of the bedroom, television still on. 

 

“I still don’t understand how you didn’t realize your foot was bleeding.”

 

Nico slides into the McDonalds booth opposite to Percy, a sundae in hand, “My bad. I was a little preoccupied,” he deadpans.

 

Percy bites into his ice cream and Nico’s teeth ache in empathy, “All I’m asking is that next time you try to eat my face, you put on shoes before fleeing the scene.”

 

He makes a face, partially embarrassed and partially disgusted, “That’s the nastiest way you could have possibly said that,” he defends then mutters, “It was barely a peck anyways.”

 

“I call bullshit, but believe but what you want,” before Nico has a chance to speak, Percy begins talking again, “Hey, didn’t you have a doctor’s appointment this morning?” Nico cringes.

 

“That may have been a lie to get out of going.”

 

Percy frowns, speaking after an admittedly awkward silence, “This is pretty weird, huh?” the situation feels foreign to the both of them. Hanging out after years of not talking, then one peck on the lips and they were suddenly buddies.

 

“A little,” Nico agrees, stirring his ice cream with a plastic spoon, “But… we used to be pretty close. I guess I’m trying to pretend that gap in our friendship didn’t happen,” his voice hesitates at the word “friendship” and Percy notices, but lets it go.

 

“Do you remember… hell, it must’ve been five years ago now... “

 

“The roadtrip,” Nico interrupts, a grin on his face.

 

_ “Yes!” _ Percy grins back, “And when Bianca misread the map and-”

 

“You, of all people, should sympathize with her dyslexia. Can’t say much for her geography knowledge, though...” Nico was still laughing, “I blame your mother for not realizing earlier that Bee was sending us north. Wait. Wait,” Nico pulls his phone from his pocket, barely able to contain his sudden excitement, “Oh my god. I found it.”

 

He holds up the device to reveal a photo of a barely-thirteen year old Percy in swimming trunks, standing with arms crossed and glaring at his mother behind the camera. Nico and Bianca are on either side of him, in similar attire. Behind them are clear glass panels of the hotel patio doors, a frozen lake visible behind him. The group had ended up in Wisconsin before realizing they weren’t anywhere near Florida. In the end, they’d still enjoyed the trip, but it was more than a little uncomfortable walking around Chicago in January.

 

“Why would my mother give that picture to you?” Percy groaned, laying his head in his arms, “Why would you still have it?”

 

Nico shrugs, “Happy memories, I guess. Besides, that trip was one of the only times you and I hung out without anyone else. The calm before the storm, I guess you could say.”

 

Percy takes a moment to process that before lifting his head, “You’re crazy for ever being into me, you know. I’m a goddamn mess.”

 

Nico shrugs, trying to appear nonchalant while his hands shake on his lap, “I don’t think so. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’ve definitely got some shit gone wrong in my head, but I don’t think that’s one of them. Father Forgivemeforihavesinned over there would probably disagree with me,” he nods to the church across the street, visible through the window, “But I’ve kind of gotten over that through the years.”

 

“I didn’t mean the gay part, I meant the me part,” Percy rolls his eyes, but he’s smiling. 

 

“I’m not sure if low self esteem is better than bigotry, but I’ll take it. Kind of out of nowhere, though. If anything, I’d say you’re usually  _ too  _ cocky _. _ ”

 

“Shut up,” Percy bites into the cone with a crunch, smiling. If Nico weren’t such a pessimist, he might notice the flush in Percy’s cheeks or the way he’s been looking at him all morning, like he’s a riddle he’s trying to solve. Or maybe he has noticed, but has been repressing any glimmer of optimism that bubbles up.

  
Percy, on the other hand, has been feeling optimistic all day, for the first time in a long time. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, after 2 months, I discharged from the hospital. Hopefully won't be going back anytime soon, which means much more frequent uploads. As always, direct any questions to the comments or my Tumblr (gnome-aesthetic) orrrr my instagram @nolifeisenough. Have a good week, guys!


	4. Turn It Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The kid's learning. You've got to give him that.

_ “Plastic talk on the TV, _

_ Backwards love from your family, _

_ All the things we’ll never be. _

_ Shut off and turn it up!” _

Stars,  _ Turn It Up _

 

…

 

It’s more than a little bizarre, both  _ going _ to school and spending his time there with Percy. Despite the age gap, they share quite a few classes. Even with Nico's dyslexia and tendencies to skip school, he’s tested out of most academic classes. Percy, on the other hand, can never seem to make himself care about school. If not for his fear of disappointing his mother, he'd have dropped out by now. So, these things combined mean half days for them both, consisting only of chemistry and band on Fridays. Neither of them were good at the instruments they played, but even Nico would admit that it's fun. 

 

The final bell of the morning rings, signifying lunch hour. Most kids stand to leave, but Nico lingers, knowing from his experience of the past three days that Percy would want to talk before they left. Nothing important, of course, Percy just likes to talk. He also knows, however, that Percy has a lot of friends and it will take awhile for him to even get to Nico. He takes a few steps, and someone grabs his arm to discuss getting a group together to see the next Marvel movie, or something else equally as predictable. Percy eventually falls back into the chair beside Nico. 

 

“Sorry for the wait. I'm surprised you didn't just leave without me.”

 

“I would have, but I know you well enough to know you'd have chased after me,” he shrugs, picking his eyes up from his homework, a hint of a smile on his face, “You ready to go?”

 

“Yeah, I think so. You sure you're not mad at me for being late?”

 

“No more mad than I am normally.”

 

It takes a good half hour for them to leave the building. They're stopped by at least fifteen students and five teachers, all wanting to talk to Percy before he left. Nico can't help but feel jealous, if not protective. He's starting to remember when he was younger, when Percy practically lived in his house, but still barely got to see him. He doesn't really seem to enjoy it, even. Nico gets the sense that he doesn't even know half of these people's names. Percy's nothing if not a yes-man, but he looks so worn out. Nico never thought he'd feel bad for someone over them having a social life, but this is ridiculous and unhealthy. 

 

“You need to quit being so nice to everyone, Jackson.”

 

“Not everyone can be as grumpy as you all the time, bud.”

 

Nico sighs and starts across the intersection, “I'm serious. I can tell it's tiring you out. I mean, I know you want to be friends with the world and everything but-” he pauses. 

 

“What?”

 

“You want me to take care of myself? You have to, too.”

 

“I like helping people, Nico. Especially if all they need is a friend.”

 

“Is that what I am…? A goddamn charity case? Because I assure you, most people would rather have no friends than pity friends.”

 

Percy blinks in surprise, “You- you  _ know _ that's not true. You and- and Bianca were all I had for awhile there.”

 

“-and Grover and Rachel and Luke and  _ Annabeth _ …”

 

Percy looks legitimately upset, but Nico can't tell if it's annoyance, anger, or defensiveness, “That's not-  _ I _ was the charity case. And yeah, I got past that point in my life, I'm fine now, but  _ you  _ aren't and I'd be spitting in your sister's grave if I don't at least try.”

 

Nico can barely make out Percy's silhouette against the sun, trying to blink back tears, “That's it, then? You're not here out of pity, you're here out of guilt. And that's supposed to make it better?” he forces laughter, “Well, that's fine. I mean, I stuck around because I genuinely cared about you and thought highly of you as a person, but that's cool too, man.”

 

“You  _ didn't _ stick around! After the funeral, it took five months for you to even look at me.”

 

“Mi dispiace,” his voice drips with sarcastic empathy, “I'm so sorry that period of my life was hard on  _ you, _ Jackson. I'd keep that in mind for the next time someone I love dies, but lucky for you, they're all rotting in their graves as we speak.”

 

Percy pauses. He has to stop to think about who he's arguing with. If he's acting chaotic, who can really blame him? The kid's not had a parental figure since he was nine, and likewise a family since he was eleven. All he really has is a grandmother who's out of it ninety percent of the time, and arguing with him the other ten percent. He hasn't had a friend, to Percy's knowledge, since middle school.

 

He doesn't know how to socialize anymore, Percy realizes. And here he is, getting angry at Nico for showing concern for someone else, probably for the first time in years.

 

“I'm sorry. I'm not here out of guilt, okay? I'm here because I remember a happy kid I used to play Yu-Gi-Oh with, and I miss him.”

 

Nico's staring at his shoes, tears falling to the pavement but paying them no mind, “I'm not going to be like that again. That's not me being a pessimist, that's me being realistic. I've grown up, learned shit the hard way.”

 

Percy’s muscles relax when he doesn’t immediately snap at him. He’s still walking a tightrope, but it’s miracle that Nico’s even willing to put his anger aside for a moment, “I know. But you’re still you and I still feel connected to you, in a way. Not as an obligation, but as an old friend. Okay? And- yeah, there’s something to the point you’re making. I didn’t mean to be so dismissive.”

 

Nico shrugs, “Whatever. When did you turn into a therapist?” He readjusts his backpack on his shoulders and starts to walk again. 

 

“If I were a therapist, I’d be pushing a lot harder for you to make more friends.”

 

“Ha ha.”

 

“I’m not joking, man, it’s unhealthy.”

 

Nico raises an eyebrow, “You really want to do this right now? I’m still pissed at you, Jackson.”

 

Percy raises his arms in surrender, “Alright, alright, therapy later. Got it.”

 

…

 

Just like that, what could have been a relationship altering fight, easily, comes and goes as if it never happened. Nico’s anger subsides and Percy’s irritation does the same. 

 

Nico stews over this as they both sits cross-legged on the ground in his backyard. It’s not as spacious as Percy’s by a long-shot, but it’s cozier. The deck has cracks and weeds growing out of said cracks and flowers growing out of said weeds. The yard is scattered with trees, casting shadows over nearly every patch of grass at this time of day. Lavender has sprouted up everywhere. The scent reminds him of his mother’s home in Venice. There are neglected tomato plants beside the house, not completely dead, but wilted. The two boys are surrounded by a thick wooden fence. If it weren’t for the house it belonged to, Nico might consider this a place he felt safe. 

 

He’s never been much of a photographer, but he wishes he had a camera with him. Percy’s playing his ukulele again as they chat casually, and something about it puts him at ease. It’s almost like… tranquility. Tranquility with a hint of happiness and comfort that he’s not felt for a  _ long _ time. He feels a desperate need to preserve the moment before it slips away, because he feels sure it won’t happen again. Besides, the way the evening sunlight filters through the leaves and enhances Percy’s silhouette isn’t lost on him. 

 

“You’ve grown up a lot, you know.”

 

Percy pauses his strumming for only a moment before continuing, but he’s noticeably surprised to hear something so genuine from Nico without prodding, “Oh?”

 

“I don’t think you’d have been able to put aside your frustration like you did today, say, two years ago. I mean,” he pauses. He wants to laugh or roll his eyes or  _ something _ to let up the tension but he doesn’t. He just looks away, “I wouldn’t have. I  _ didn’t. _ I’m stubborn as hell and you used to be too. So, um,” he rubs some dirt from his palm onto his jeans, nervous, “Take it from someone who knows how difficult it is to get over unmanageable hard-headedness, that’s… admirable.”

 

Percy eventually stops playing altogether. He smiles an honest smile, which Nico manages to get a glimpse of in his peripheral. Knowing Percy, he’s probably resisting a bear hug, “You’ve grown up a lot too, man. I mean, when did you start being nice to people?”

 

“Shut up.” Nico feels the urge to lean over and kiss Percy again, but he also feels far more in control of his actions this time around. He doesn’t have to worry about spacing out and accidentally doing it, he’s free to muse over the idea without fear or guilt. He smiles.

 

“I think you know me well enough, by now, that you know shutting up isn’t really something I do.”

 

“Learn to,” Nico stands, dusting off his jeans, “You should probably start heading home, you know. Nonna gets home from her church thing soon and if she sees you here, she’ll start questioning you about your grades and shit. And then she’ll ask again because by the end of the conversation she won’t remember any of your answers.”

 

“You know, I actually  _ do  _ enjoy your grandma’s company,” Percy laughs, standing up along with him. 

 

“You enjoy everyone’s company. Didn’t we just have an argument about this?”

 

Percy groans and Nico laughs.

 

The two head inside, Percy immediately switching from his ukulele playing to blasting music on his phone. Nico might tease him if not for his own ADHD and similar taste in music. He does, however, tease Percy for (badly) dancing around the cramped home while packing up his homework. Percy responds that Nico’s just bitter because he’s “too emo to have fun.” 

 

“Oh damn, you got me there, Jackson,” Nico replies sardonically, shoving Percy’s jacket into his arms with a laugh, “Seriously, Nonna’s gonna be home in a few minutes. You should get going.” 

 

“You say that like she’s a harpy. She’s a pleasant woman,  _ di Angelo.” _

 

“Okay, you caught me. I just really want you out of the house so I can jack off,” Nico steps forward, shepherding Percy out the front door.

 

“While your grandmother’s home? Nico, I’m disappointed,” Percy cackles, then pauses, “...I really can’t tell, are you joking?”

 

“Why do you want to know, Jackson?” Nico smirks in a way that says, yes, he was.

 

“Oh, screw off,” Percy turns around and flips him off, “See you tomorrow?” he calls over his shoulder, making eye contact with Nico. His face seems a bit red.

 

Nico hesitates, “Tomorrow’s Saturday, dumbass. No school.”

 

“And?”

 

“Fine, whatever. Your house.”

 

Percy grins, already to the sidewalk, yelling so Nico can hear him, “Bring an empty stomach! I’m in charge of dinner and I’m making the best goddamn grilled cheese you’ll ever have!”

 

…

 

“The best goddamn grilled cheese he’ll ever have” is slightly burnt and cold in the center, but he expected worse. Both Sally and Nico applaud Percy for not setting the house on fire, which Percy gladly accepts, with a bow and everything. Without thinking, Nico offers to cook next Saturday before realizing he was both inviting himself over and committing to show up. Though, both Jacksons seem excited about the prospect of “real food,” which has Nico questioning if the two are eating TV dinners every night. 

 

Nico finishes what he can manage of his sandwich, standing to put his dishes in the washer, “Out of curiosity, Sally, has Percy ever successfully cooked a good meal or is Saturday just food poisoning night?” 

 

Sally laughs at Percy’s expense, who’s wearing an over exaggerated pout on his face, “It’s closer to the second option than the first. Sorry, Percy.”

 

“Try to be nice… invite a friend over… make him dinner… now he’s turned my own mother against me,” he mutters, though that ever-present smile is begging to be let loose. 

 

“Povero bambino…” Nico nods with faux sympathy. 

 

Percy stands from his dining chair, arms crossed, “I don’t need your pity,” he stomps away and into the living area. Moments later, they can hear the TV being turned on. Both Nico and Sally are cracking up. 

 

“I-” Sally chuckles, “I love that kid, but if you can make something even slightly more edible than him next Saturday, you’re my Superman.”

 

“He left the paper divider for the cheese in mine,” Nico laughs into his hand.

 

“I’m pretty sure he thinks you’re supposed to,” Sally says quietly, grinning wildly with amusement. 

 

“I can hear you in here, you know!” Percy calls.

 

Nico laughs, “I’ll take care of him. Thank you for having me.”

 

Sally smiles warmly, “Of course. We both miss you around here. It’s good to see a smile on your face. Now, if we could get some good food in this house and get you to  _ eat it _ , we’d be in good shape.”

 

“Thank you,” he nods politely, unsure what else to do before fleeing to the living room.

 

He flops down on the couch beside Percy, who’s glaring at him like he just stabbed his mother, rather than share a joke with her. He’s still pouting like a child, and Nico just rolls his eyes. 

 

“Quit sulking and just be happy you’re getting good un-burnt food next week. You’re welcome.”

 

“Did you, Nico di-fucking-Angelo, just tell me to ‘Quit sulking?’”

 

“Language, Percy!” Sally calls.

 

Percy responds with an elongated groan and Nico smirks.

 

“You two are the ideal family, you know that?”

 

Percy raises an eyebrow, “Yeah. I- yeah. I guess I do.”

 

Nico seems content with that response and stands up again, “Good. See you tomorrow.”

 

“Wait, you’re  _ willingly _ hanging out with me? Someone’s in a good mood.”

  
He smiles, “Don’t get used to it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uploading a day late, sorry about that. Hope everyone enjoyed :) as always, feel free to comment questions or direct them to Tumblr.
> 
> ALSO last time I updated, I belatedly realized that AO3 was having some problems so most people didn't get email notifications about chapter 3 being uploaded. Sorry if you were one of those people :')


	5. Lost!

_“Well, I've thrown myself to the stratosphere._   
_I'll throw my heart to the atmosphere._   
_And now these words are coming out of my ears:_ _  
_ How did I end up here?”

-Mr. Washington, Nahko and Medicine for the People

 

It becomes routine quickly, on nights that Percy doesn't work. Nico and him catch the bus home together, hunker down in Percy's bedroom with homework, movies, and snacks, and Nico heads home when it gets dark. He might stay the night, but only if necessary. January's teeth-clashing session stuck in both of their minds, and really, neither one of them wants to repeat it.

 

It's a Friday night and both boys are sprawled out on Percy's carpet. The room smells of popcorn and Percy's _Ocean Mist_ air freshener. Nico frowns at his schoolwork before slamming the cover closed, startling Percy out of his biology trance.

 

“Do you, like, know anyone?”

 

“Huh?” Percy responds smartly.

 

“As exciting as it is to sit on your filthy carpet and do math homework every night, I'm getting a little sick of it being just us.”

 

It's true. Percy's social life has more or less come to a halt ever since he's had a constant friend by his side. Things were getting a little tedious. Finding somebody who Nico wouldn't clash with- that's the puzzle. Briefly, he considers Annabeth. It was a shame the two weren't friends. If not for Percy's existence, they might have been. It was a bad idea, regardless, for obvious reasons.

 

“I guess I could invite Grover over?” Percy scratches the back of his neck. “We could get McDonald's and drive around. I haven't seen him in awhile, anyways.”

 

Nico makes a face. “Isn't he the one you posted on Facebook eating a Milky Way with the wrapper?”

 

“That's the one. Man, that kid’ll eat anything,” Percy speaks with admiration.

 

“Better than the dirty laundry basket you call a room.” Nico stands, stretching his homework-cramped arm.

 

“Oh, shut up,” Percy says through a smile as he sets down his own work to dial Grover's number. It hits him when his friend's contact icon pops up that he hasn't actually seen him in months. Once he hears the dial tone, he sets it to speakerphone so Nico can hear.

 

_“Is this actually Percy or is this the ransom note I've been expecting?”_

 

Yikes. “Hey buddy…”

 

_“He speaks!”_

 

“Yeah! If you want more from where that came from, you should come over. I'll get ya’ a large fry, my treat.”

 

_“As much as I love greasy potatoes, where's your socially impaired boy toy?”_

 

“On speakerphone!” Nico chimed in, while struggling to pull a sweatshirt on.

 

Grover laughs into the receiver. _“Yeah, I guess I'm free for awhile. You're getting me a drink too.”_

 

“Alright, see you in a few.”

 

“Well, that was easy,” Nico remarks, pulling his boots on.

 

“He's a pretty easy-going guy. Have you two ever hung out?”

 

Nico shoots him a look. “You really overestimate my social circle. I’m friendly with you and Jason. Maybe Hazel, recently. I don't know anybody else.”

 

“We'll change that.” He laughs, standing to grab his wallet. Nico leaves his room, and he follows.

 

…

 

It doesn't take long for Grover to show up in his PT Cruiser. Percy takes the passengers seat and Nico's stuck in the back, holding his backpack on his lap. Not that he minds.

 

“Percy, get in, man! Do I have a story for you!” Grover speeds away with them inside.

 

“Do you now?” Percy responds with an amused smile, rifling through the glove compartment and retrieving two bags of chips. He throws one back for Nico.

 

“Just a warning, this story ends with us going on a roadtrip to New Jersey tonight.”

 

“ _Tonight?”_ Nico leans forward from the back seat.

 

“We'll be back by Sunday!” Grover defends. “Don't you want to see the Jersey Devil?”

 

Nico pauses. “...I'll text Nonna.”

 

Percy turned around in his seat. “Since when was it this easy to get you to do _anything?_ ”

 

“Maybe nothing you make me do is interesting.” Nico looks smug. He turns towards Grover. “I'm into paranormal crap. Do you really think we'll get to see it?”

 

“I wouldn't waste the gas if I didn't! Okay, so my cousin's girlfriend's roommate went camping last weekend and- oh my god, you should see her car. It's covered in claw marks and-”

 

“Were there any tracks?” Nico interrupts, an excited grin on his face.

 

“You _bet_ there were! Still are, and we're gonna go see them.”

 

“Do I get any say in this?” Percy laughs.

 

Grover shrugs. “If you don't want to, I guess it's just me and Nico.”

 

Percy feels something in his stomach, not unlike jealousy. He begins to feel panicked as he recalls a time Grover had a crush on a boy from summer camp. Is he still interested in men? He doesn’t like the sound of the two taking a road trip by themselves.

 

“No- no.” Percy shakes his head. “I'll come… to New Jersey.” He makes a face.

 

Nico looks relieved. The idea that Percy's presence makes him feel anything but ambivalence makes him feel prideful.

 

“Hey man, I'm from Jersey. Don't be hateful,” Grover says. “Who's hungry?”

 

“I was promised McDonald's!”

 

…

 

It's ten o’clock at night when they finally arrive to Hammonton, New Jersey. Percy had taken over the wheel after the first fifty miles. Grover and Nico sat in the back together, playing _Yu-Gi-Oh Duel Links_ , though Grover was a novice compared to the ex-fanatic. Regardless, they both sounded as if they were having fun until Nico fell asleep.

 

Percy pulls into a gas station and turns back in his seat. Nico’s head rests on the car window, his neck craned in a way that looks painful. “Should I wake him up, do you think?”

 

“We have about an hour until peak sightings. He'll probably want to use the restroom.” Grover says quietly.

 

Percy reaches into the back, nudging Nico’s knee. “Nico, we're here,” he says in a too-kind way, which earns a weird look from Grover. “Time to wake up, bud.”

 

Nico scrunches up his nose. “Migraine…” He mutters. His eyes open up a slight bit. “Do either of you guys have Tylenol?”

 

Both Grover and Percy search the front seat and come up empty. “There's a pharmacy across the street,” Percy suggests.

 

With a yawn, Nico nods. “I'll pay.” Without another word, he gets out of the car. He has a bright green blanket with a kitten on it wrapped around his shoulders, and Percy smiles at the sight. He follows him out of the car and across the street.

 

“You think if I slip them a fifty they'll give me some oxycodone?”

 

“I wouldn't try.” Percy laughs. He holds open the glass door, following Nico towards the correct aisle. “How do you like Grover so far?”

 

“He's less obnoxious than I thought he'd be,” Nico admits. “I don't mind him, actually. He's pretty cool.”

 

“That's a pretty good review, coming from you.”

 

He laughs. “I guess it is, huh?”

 

If Percy weren’t so caught up in his own thoughts, he might have appreciated the way Nico’s defenses seem to have disappeared. A few months ago, he would have gotten angry. Now, though, he’s too distracted to understand the significance.

 

“Do you like him?” Percy finds himself blurting it out.

 

Nico pauses, pill bottle in hand. He looks amused. “Do I what?”

 

“I just mean-” Percy pauses. He shakes his head. “I'm curious.”

 

Nico narrows his gaze, still seeming entertained. “He's not really my type.”

 

“Oh.”

 

Nico shakes his head a little and walks past him. Percy swears he sees his eyes roll. He stops at the counter, greeting the cashier and quickly finishing up the transaction. He turns to him, a smile on his face. “You ready to eat your words, Jackson?”

 

“Huh?”

 

“The Jersey Devil.”

 

Percy laughs. “I never said I don’t believe in it. I just don’t think anything in Jersey is worth seeing.”

 

“Eat. Your. Words,” Nico repeats, pushing the glass door open. Brisk March wind hits them both immediately. Percy pulls his coat tighter around himself as they walk to the car.

 

…

 

Within an hour, the trio had abandoned the Cruiser in favor of walking through the woods the old-fashioned way. The three boys all shiver as they weave between pine trees. Grover has an expensive-looking camera hung around his neck and he’s taking photos what seems like every three seconds. The flash makes Nico’s eyes hurt, but he doesn’t say anything. No way in hell is he going to be the reason they don’t have any photos of the Devil itself.

 

The flashing stops momentarily as Grover looks through the photos he’s already taken. Pausing, he stares down at the tiny screen. “Nico…”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Come look at this. You too, Percy,”

 

Nico peers over his shoulder and a chill runs down his back. The photo looks normal if you aren’t looking for anything, but his eyes immediately lock onto a silhouette in the branches. “Is that…”

 

“Yes.” Grover turns to look at Nico. He can’t tell if he’s excited or scared, but either way he looks like he’s about to piss his pants.

 

He feels a tug on his jacket sleeve. He nearly jumps and pulls away, but instead of a claw on his arm, he sees Percy’s hand. Lifting his eyes, he sees that he’s still looking at the photograph. Nico makes a conscious decision to not tug away his arm.

 

“This was only, like, twenty feet away,” Grover says suddenly, then quieter. “Even if that’s not the Devil… it’s here and it’s big.”

 

“Should we leave?” Percy asks with a worried frown, hand more or less clamped on Nico’s arm.

 

“No.” Nico shakes his head. “We came to see it in person, not to get a blurry photo of it.”

 

Grover looks just as uneasy as Percy does, but he nods in agreement. “It wouldn’t hurt to get a few more pictures.”

 

Percy looks at Nico for a good few seconds before he sighs. “Okay.”

 

A nervousness completely irrelevant to the creature bubbles up in Nico’s chest. He’s seen that look before, but never directed towards him, and always towards a girl. He knows he has a smile on his face and that this isn’t the time, but he feels as if he’s floating.

 

Grover goes back to taking photos and Percy eventually lets go of Nico’s arm. Regardless, he stays close as they turn back towards where they’d captured the image. He tries to keep watch for the monster, but it’s difficult when he can feel Percy’s gaze on him. Really, Grover’s the only one who’s concentrating on the task at hand.   
  
“Hey!”

 

All three teens jump at this new voice. Nico’s eyes move rapidly, trying to find the source of it. They eventually land on a tubby old man dressed in light blue jeans with grass stains, a puffy red plaid coat, and a knit purple hat. As he gets closer, Nico regrets coming in the first place. Worst case scenario plays out in his head and he’s frozen in place.

 

He hears garbled voices, but he can’t comprehend what they’re saying. He thinks one of them is Grover, but he’s not sure. He vaguely acknowledges Percy talking to him, but when he doesn’t respond, Percy grabs his wrist and begins to walk.

 

Only when they’re exiting the pine forest does Nico really come to. He’s slid into the backseat, frowning at Percy, who was strapped in beside him. When the car lunges forward, Nico speaks. “What was that guy saying?”

 

Percy has stopped questioning Nico’s zone outs and learned to just answer his questions, but Nico can see that he’s concerned. He responds, regardless. “It was that guy’s private property.” Percy laughs. “Grover, where's your camera? I want to see if you got anymore nice shots.”

 

Nico leans down slowly to pick up a thick woven blanket from down by his feet. He wraps it around himself and smiles. “We… saw the Jersey Devil.”

 

Percy grins excitedly as Grover passes the camera back to him. “I know, man! I'm printing this out and putting it on my wall.”

 

“Thought you weren't interested in anything from Jersey.”

 

Percy shoves his shoulder and Nico laughs. “Shut up, dude, this was awesome.”

 

“No kidding!” Grover exclaims from the front seat. “How are those pictures turning out, Perce?”

 

Nico leans forward to look at the screen. Percy carefully inspects each photo as he scrolls through. “They're all pretty dark and fuzzy, I'm not sure-” He pauses.

 

“Holy shit.” Nico and Percy speak in unison. The light from the screen is bright to both boy's eyes, but an unmistakable figure takes up most of the photograph.

 

“Pull over!” Nico tells Grover. “You have to see this. Holy shit.” He turns to Percy, grinning. “Holy shit! We almost died, man!”

 

The wheels screech as he does as he's told, and Percy passes the camera up front with shaking hands. He's also wearing a grin. “I know!”

 

Grover stares down at the camera for a solid fifteen seconds before laughing along with the two. He turns back towards them. “God, we have to- we have to celebrate or something.”

 

“Pizza at my place when we get back?” Percy suggests.

 

Grover looks as if he has a better idea, but keeps his mouth shut when he sees how happy Percy looks. “Yeah, sounds like a party!”

 

Nico bounces in his seat giddily. “How fast can you get us home?”


End file.
